I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
