Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
