yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he thought i was a dude.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
