My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
