so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
