My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
