When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
