a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
