I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
