One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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