Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
