I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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