During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize