Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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