whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My cat gives me a boner
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
