Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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