he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
