Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
