It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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