who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
