I just cut my nipple shaving
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
