When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize