definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
