I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
