Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
