I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am available for nakedness
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize