I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
