so explain again why im purple
no
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
