And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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