Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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