She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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