We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My life is pants optional.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
