I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
