you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
