There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
