I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
