we have officially lost it.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
