just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
