his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
