I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
