You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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