i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
