If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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