I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
