look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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