i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He kissed a someone with a penis
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
