im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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