I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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