the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
