my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
