just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The air was thick with penises
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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