i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
