forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were trust falling into bushes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
