Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
