I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
