Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
