i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
