I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
