Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
