I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
