I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
