About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
