Just fell off a train. Bad.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize