come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
