he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
