so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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