Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
