Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize