I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
