So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
